The Sublime Persuasion of Love

I remember the day (circa 1998) when I stumbled and nearly fell into a roadside pothole (full of sloppy water leaked from a burst pipe) while commuting to work in delightful anticipation of a romantic lunch with a girl I was meeting for the first time in the latter half of the day.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I walked past the lift and began up the green marbled stairs to my office on the 5th floor of the golden-hued balsam brown TSR Towers to log in for work. (The distinctive tony colour of the office building on Raj Bhavan Road, which seemed to emanate grace and elegance, cannot be forgotten).

Imagine how a round brown patch in the wrong place could have wrecked my lovely luncheon with a special someone later that day at Alex's Kitchen just off Liberty Road in Hyderabad, a secret haven for the town's love birds going on a blind date. Even though I arrived on the dot, dressed up and ready to impress, she was already waiting for me, which was nice. Her friends were present, and as I parked my Splendor, I thought it was likely that they were meeting up after a long time: she introduced me to a person named, Diwakar and to another girl from her gangly close-knit circle of at least five kindred souls having fun reconnecting after a long time, who, I believe, was her ‘best friend’. If you’ve ever wanted to see (with your eyes) how real-life mimics art, this is undoubtedly one such rare occasion you might want to pinch yourself while allowing yourself such treats: a group of buddies straight out of a Ruskin Bond or Danielle Steele novel.

[I couldn't help but feel envious of her friends' intimate camaraderie as I stood outside after lunch conversing with my special someone, trying to say our byes and promising to meet again. After a little while, I waved and rode back to my office on Raj Bhavan Road, thoroughly smitten with her love.]

The restaurant was her choice, a great choice. I remember feeling an immediate, intense intimacy with her as though we were in a continuous dreamscape as the afternoon turned into a romantic evening of quiet conversation and companionship. It was worthy of boasting about with my friends and watching them envy me. Like a moth to a flame, I shyly approached my blind date, and seeing her up close (and personal) for the first time was like a dream come true, even as my heart sang out to her.

Frenetic tellers of tales like Dickens, and Hardy, often remark about female beauty from the male perspective of a virtuous young person (generally male) by saying, “Congratulations! She is splendid!” in classic English Literature. Indeed, she was splendid! We met outside our rendezvous point's entrance steps, walked in, and sat at our table: not discreetly positioned as we would've liked, but the ample space in the room made for a lovely atmosphere, a beautiful ambiance, softly lit and welcoming.

We talked about things that mattered to us. The first part of our conversation focused on popular musical romance films like Dil Toh Pagal Hai, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Pyaar Mein Kabhi Kabhi, and their catchy songs that marked the high point of the late 1990s era. (These films were dazzling, magical, happy-go-lucky, swirling romances that were so much about the '90s era hit parade that no one even talks about them now in post-millennial times. They've been, more or less, completely forgotten, fading into the distant past, paving the way for despicable genre-specific, so-called 'realistic portrayals' of Hindi films that today's techno-wizardry has spawned like a... morass amongst filmgoers.)

“Woh pehli baar jab hum mile,
     Hathon mein haath jab hum chale”

Before we moved on to other topics, we couldn't help but bring up Titanic, a film from the previous year. That fascinating masterpiece and undeniably impressive, a celluloid love story to remember for a long time, which become both her and my new favourite. Coincidentally, that day, we’d exchanged Titanic-themed greeting cards.

We had great fun, so much so that some of our food was in danger of getting cold. I thought, in my nervousness, I might by accident drop either my fork or my spoon (thank God chopsticks weren’t the norm to use), or who knows, might upend the whole tumbler of water along with the bottles of cold sauces ricocheting on my lap…! She was a classic ‘90s girl, just as I’d like to think I am: 90's boy. I was blown away by her impeccable table manners - an exemplar she was. She was warm, engaging, easy to talk to, and (just as I had believed before meeting her) spoke well. We had a lot in common. She was almost exactly what I thought she'd be. Her pretty face lit up when she talked - it was the vibe, a personalizing sensation conscious of the time, of the space that existed only between the two of us to experience. I tried to be as sweet, intelligent, and charming as I believed I was capable of being, and I think I succeeded nicely, for she was smiling a lot which made it easy for me to smile back. We were innocent of feeling the way we did, and it was natural of us to do so as we sat somewhere between prose and poetry that such a meaningful occasion calls for it. She had no pretences or illusions about our rendezvous that day, nor did she put on unnecessary veneer that would have been meaningless to us newly anointed love-smitten love birds - permanently confirming our love in a single meeting. We were an original couple: old-fashioned romantics having no preconceived notions about love. We chatted and joked, keeping it brief and casual: shared a few anecdotes about our college days, family, and the simple things of life as we ate our food. (We took some time hobnobbing before we paused to look at the menu and order the Chinese house specials, Fried Rice and Szechuan Chicken with spicily flavoured spaghetti sauce on the side. We ate a little, but we spoke a lot. The food, of course, was so tasty!

“Jaadu hai… tera hi jaadu…
    Jo mere dil pe chhane laga
Jaadu hai tera hi jaadu
   Jo mere dil pe chhane laga”

I didn’t want to leave her company, and I think we were both a bit floored by the experience, perhaps enamoured with each other, so much so that we wanted to see our relationship blossom further. Or, as they say, take it to the next level. From the moment we first spoke, she had my interest. She seemed like quite a sweet person, and we had great chemistry. I was immediately intrigued by her euphonious voice, the perfectly tailored pastel-hued salwar suit she wore, which looked like it came straight out of a special edition of Vogue, and her US-bound plans to study Engineering. She knew what she wanted out of life. In all honesty, I felt like planting a small kissy on her cheek, but I shied away to avoid being embarrassed in a local or a national newspaper! She was blushing, and so was I. As crazy as this sounds, it felt miraculous to me: sitting and talking with a beautiful girl at the diner and thinking I could never be so lucky, and how could I be so lucky? Oh, my God, this spectral beauty right here is my date, and I am wooing her. The entire luncheon felt like a dream come true, a dream half-fulfilled. Unfortunately, it was a one-time thing, a sweet little romance that lasted but briefly.

As I see the distant past reflecting the memories of our time and as the meaning of the words written here sink in, we would've loved each other forever. Love remains as deep and warm as it ever was. It still manages to bloom, albeit with a touch of melancholy and sadness returning now and again, perhaps to remind me that things have changed and I should move on despite the heartache it still causes. And why am I remembering those times now? What's the point? The point is: Love is eternal, that's why. My heart will go on..., for as long as I live (for the person I miss). Despite the loss, the unquenchable hope remains. Nonetheless, she must travel her path, and I mine. That's the criterion in the world everyone has to follow.

Years passed as time travelled for twenty-five long years, but we never could see each other again. Hers was a love of a sublime persuasion I had the privilege of knowing and belonging to her. All my feelings remain as they are.

Thank heavens I didn't trip over that kerbside crater on my way to work that day because it would've wrecked my rendezvous with “Lekhatee” (L.T.). When I think about this long-ago love story, I can still feel my heart race as she reminds me of my former successes, self-confidence, dreams, goals, hopes, and aspirations. I wish I could get down on one knee immediately after. Adieu, my love... till our paths cross again.

“Chupke se…, chupke se…
    Raat ki chaadar tale
Chaand ki bhi aahat na ho,
   Baadal ke peechhe chale”

By Arindam Moulick

Dedication: I dedicate this memoir to L.T. with love and heart. Before I met her in person, I was familiar with her voice. As I look down on the landscape of loss, longing, and the altitude of almost twenty-five years, it's another day of thinking of you. The heart does go on.

The World Is In Peril

Throughout history, humankind has returned to war in times of turmoil, notwithstanding enormous technological gains (namely: Automation, AI, digitization, and other things) enabling the 'greater common good' to work for all, which, everybody imagined, would make us more willing people than we had been at any other point in the past without much of it.

Technology appears to have become the new opiate of the masses, offering a fatal boost to the warring brethren fighting against one another.

Contrary to what a few smart boys, mostly tech nerds or technopreneurs and the political class, would oblige you to accept, this belief system appears to be a complete fabrication, an insistent falsehood. Wonder why falsehood? Because human beings misled and led astray by their unchecked desires are driven by selfishness and are ethically deficient, battles of various kinds will ultimately erupt.

Technology will evolve further. There's no way you can prevent it from quickly becoming an aspect of insatiable fun to be used against one another to settle scores, real or imagined. In a society demarcated into two distinct gulfs, the "haves" and the "have-nots," shameful as it sounds, human rights and human dignity will erode and continue to do so. Our world is in peril.

[According to war antiquarians, since 1688, there have been eight world wars, but we only know two. The most recent of which lasted from 1939 to 1945, and it was the deadliest in terms of human casualties. There are presently more than 40 active conflicts taking place all over the planet!]

Nine times out of ten, the de facto prelude to apocalyptic scenarios like war, military offensives, or invasion is usually about massive ego confrontations between autocrats - while marshalling their minions in conformity - and autocratic governments going full monty. (Of course, there’s much else involved). The general public of the aggressor nation, as gullible as they can be, is seen as dependent and without rights and can be bludgeoned into submission by an unending onslaught of despotic muscle men who are at the helm of their nation’s affairs. Treated like puppets, they (civilians) have no historical right to live democratically other than to do the bidding of their antagonistic overlords; if they don’t, they will suffer the repercussions. It’s unfortunate that such things still occur in the twenty-first century.

War is seen as a game, rather than a tragedy: as if it were a game of pillow fights! So, their motivation is to "Bash on Regardless" of the human cost.

As though war, under whatever alias, were a universal human principle, a standard operating procedure for eliminating all perceived injustices and psychological prejudices. Whatever the case, I see this as a troubling reality that has become, at the very least, dangerously fundamental to our mutually assured destruction (MAD) mentality.

The future is uncertain

Though the future is at once unclear when we talk about technologies that are currently in vogue that are beginning to imbibe human-level intelligence, we can find that several such big-name technological disruptions are shaping our future. Artificial Intelligence (AI), Quantum Computing, Internet of Behaviours (IoB), Blockchain, etc., are just a few mainstream disruptors that are all having an impact on our society. The day is not far when these large-scale technologies will replace real humans as they continue to evolve and take root in our daily lives.

Greed-driven big tech firms are making sure that in a few years, robots will be at our beck and call (read: unemployment, loss of jobs to machines, laziness, and eventually obliteration of the human species!). They’ll let what humanoid robot overlords and machine learning algorithms do what they are good at - gobble up everything by monetizing it to reap huge profits through the ‘extractivist’ tactic. Inroads are already being made.

[Let’s pretend for a moment that the rise of superintelligent AI isn’t a cause for concern. If done the right way, and especially if they put genuine ethics (technology ethicist anyone?) at its core, then our future on the planet will be one of incredible industrial advancement. Or else there will be grave existential hazards. However, given how AI could pose a threat, we may be arm-twisted to hand over control or relinquish authority to the Slaughterbots, Killer Robots, and their possible ilk. Laughable right? But it isn’t so, believe me.]

Over time, the future of humans as a species on the planet will be full of hustling privacy and human rights issues. For a few positives, humankind will come face to face with a tsunami of negatives that will dominate our lives! For better or worse, such big high-tech stuff that is being mass-produced, critics argue, will radically change the course of human history in ways that Hollywood spectacles make an unapologetic exhibition. Soon a new species will arise to take control of everything from humans, even wipe us out if it so chooses. Hardly any surprise then that AI will surpass humans in our lifetime. Can slow humans and fast machines live harmoniously or coexist? Only time will tell if this is true. Everything in life has a silver lining. AI does as well. Humanity's fate hangs in the balance. Many congratulations! Woo-hoo!

History is the witness that humanity has always had and will continue to have its share of tragedies, whether we appreciate it or not.

If this is your experience, you should keep reading.

I try not to lead anything in particular; it isn’t my thing. Also, now, I try not to be driven by anything other than the joy of my heart. And the sanity of my head. Moreover, I have no intention of foreseeing the future long before it occurs. Instead, I try to let my actions be guided by the present moment (and the times of the past), rather than grasping at what might come.

Far more than the radical future that lies ahead, the enlightened past fascinates (and enchants) me; little wonder that nostalgia itself assumes such a significant part in my life. Hence, the past offers peace through reminiscing, whereas the future gives off an impression of being fraught with anguish, panic, frenzy, fear, and the constant threat of uncertainty - all rolled into one deadly way of life. That is why I continue to muse: if given the option, I would rather live in the past than be prepared to embrace an extreme future that is, as some people like to reiterate, ‘already evolving’ and ‘rapidly transforming,’ sometimes beyond institutional control if you ask me.

I, like everyone else, look forward to the future, but I'm cheerfully unconcerned about it: who knows, we may be in for some strange or crazy technology that will disfigure the earthy human life, as we have heard in the recent past. What's more, if we’re still alive in the far future, we may have a completely different physical appearance than we do now - well beyond our logical comprehension! (I’m hoping there won’t be any tail-like appendage around at the back!). I have no trouble living in the present moment since I find myself completely immersed in it, yet the past is, of course, a different realm wherein I'd like to dwell now and then. I cannot leave the past behind. The past offers comfort and moments of satisfying reflection.

“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” - William Faulkner

Nonetheless, the past is now my present; the future is another realm, which I imagine is becoming increasingly inextricable from the mind-shuttering multiple human lunacies that are on the way. So, beware.

Human-supremacist worldview!

Define life however you want, but you must live it solely for yourself. Taking it out is also not an option. Not because you want to perish or because you are capable of departing this life, but because you want to tell and hear stories, read a good book, eat a hearty meal, get wet in the rain, feel the cold winter, play with snow, drive a massive old lorry backwards down a hill, or become an incurable wordsmith or ‘readsmith’, if you want.

Each of these encounters will leave you with only one thought: That's the long and short of it! The daily routine is to experience, so continue onward!

This wrangling bit of seemingly meme-filled psychology, which has gone the way of the Dodo lately, can sometimes get unavoidably upfront with you. On the other hand, if you intend to rationally manage the sound and fury of your current life situation, you will soon realize you have enough resources to get your neck out of the woods, free of burdensome prejudiced thinking. (Whether all this global virus uprising of Delta, Omicron is present or not.) Just like that. It takes an ample amount of TIME and RESOURCES to figure out the plan for being successful. Self-rationalizing stuff.

Mind-bending confusion reigns supreme: this is one of the many shortcomings of our so-called modern society to which we have grown accustomed. Unfortunately, the pandemic of the severe acute respiratory syndrome (COVID-19) continues to upset Anthropocentrism, the human-supremacist worldview, and our impact on nature. A word I’ve learned recently. The problem with life is that we grow old too quickly but become wise too late. We spend a large part of our lives dealing with power-hungry grouches and power-drunk killjoys. The daily outrage of the incorrigible lecturing despots, their unmindful sermonising autocrats of rising nationalist bigotry kind, compound our circumstance from awful to highly regrettable.

Furthermore, the fact is that one is still none-the-wiser, unaware of truly comprehending “Modern Life,” and one has ages ago given up the desire to do so. I mean, the majority of the world’s population has no clue what’s going on. Therefore, keeping this context in full view, it’s preferable to be humble and childlike than come face to face with a Hitler, Mussolini, or Gaddafi who raise their ugly heads at your workplace, or in your neighbourhood, or where ever little clusters of uncivilised human society happen to exist. (Sorry for the horrible selection of abominable names, but I needed to put my point across). One’s anguish persists non-stop; perhaps, it’s a gift of the 21st-century modern life or it could be globalization’s “trickle-down to the masses” sense of economics thrown at us. There is no let-up in anguish. How could it be? People are becoming sick and dying at an alarming rate: It’s the Day and Age of Anguish.

[Parenthetically: Advances in Artificial Intelligence (AI), Automation, Virtual Reality, Machine Learning, Robotics, and all the other new-age cold, calculated without human intervention technologies are transforming businesses and accelerating digital transformation, but they are also directly causing people anguish/anxiety/fear and contributing to job losses of staggering proportions. According to Forbes, by 2030, 73 million Americans will lose their jobs due to AI-powered automation and robotization in the United States. In Germany, 17 million jobs will be lost due to automation, while China will lose a staggering 236 million.

Every job is at risk of being disrupted or rendered obsolete. In this day and age of rampant digitization in the context of bringing convenience, comfort, and other things into our lives, the threat of losing one's job persists. I should be careful here: while I'm not opposed to automation in general, new inventions, innovations, and job risks will always be our constant companions coming into conflict with one another. Machines/robots are replacing humans, and it's a fact of life. Just ask Alexa! Your job will get automated; don’t come back to work; thanks for your time. Our future is tense.]

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” - Helen Keller

Is it any wonder that human life is in jeopardy? Around the world, it is rapidly deteriorating at rates unprecedented in all of human history. That is most likely how modern living in the 21st-century affects your well-being. I only hope that we are not on the verge of becoming a poorer, meaner, and smaller world; it would be a shame if we were.

[To be continued...]

By Arindam Moulick

End of Part II of III

Written October ‘21 to February 2022.

Click here to read Part 1 of this essay.