A Precious Heartache

Our Satyam Days, part XXXII

All the years we spent working together as a team, despite GG's haranguing presence hovering like a hefty-person ghostly spectre in the aural atmosphere of our workstation, have faded into a labyrinth of memories, warts and all, that perhaps few wish to revisit as they remain unremembered in the depths of forgetfulness, edified by the thrill of constantly moving on in the name of progressing in life, with no desire to glance back at the olden world we left behind, not even once.

Those Satyam memories have lost their sway over us. At least for some of us, it did. On second thought, it did—not that it didn't. However, we departed from Satyam a long time ago, so I realize it is much too far gone in the past to even consider writing about it as a memoir on my blog, a second (and last) memoir at that. However, I could recount a few stories from our time at Satyam that truly warmed my heart, and I still live by them today.

Taking a little journey down this memory lane has been quite an experience, reminding me just how valuable our memories can be! That's why I’ve intended to confess—without making it sound too dramatic—that Satyam's memories still occupy my mind like the smell of old-world charm, the sound of the Nescafe coffee machine that lounged in the vestibular corridor between our 5th-floor East Wing and the West Wing, sunlight falling on the glass-fronted bluey windows insulating the veneer of the technological wizardry inside from the externals of the steel-grey lake and beyond — the old sweet ache of that past timeframe of our life, a lifetime ago. This blog, however, is the last but one passage about a time that is not too far off in the past, but is close to my heart.

After I complete writing this, I will lay my pen to rest, even as all those Satyam days flash before my eyes, for without us, nothing would exist. Time and tide wait for no one. Sometimes, this nostalgic dream feels too big to chase.

The real reason I wrote these chapter-by-chapter presentations is that I've been feeling a deep sense of, how shall I put it, cultural nostalgia in my heart aching for weeks, months, and years, in the form of writing that I had done for the last few months, starting from Memory Crossing, the first part (among thirty-one others) of my second Satyam memoir. Slowly taking into account narrative portrayals of everything that once existed as beautiful moments between this late present and that old past, that is how all my memories of that era are resurfacing as I write, emerging into my nostalgic consciousness from the depths of my memory.

(I haven’t forgotten; there are still many decks of stories that I haven't covered. I could write more compelling narratives to fuel at least thirty more blog pieces, but thirty is a good number: plenty of stories here, and I won't be continuing past this last and final Satyam memoir.)

Those Satyam days, for some of us friends, I think, may have been misinterpreted as 'nostalgic sentimentality,' ultimately becoming undesired antiques like some archaic software or hardware that has outlived its efficacy, and no one seems to favour them anymore. Can't blame them. After all, who likes to squander time needlessly dwelling upon bygones? Let the past remain the past, existing solely in our memories, remembered only in our thoughts.

Don't look back because you're moving forward, not backward: That might have been the general feeling among most of us friends. Some of us may not have been able to feel awe-inspiring nostalgia for our Satyam days. Considering this, Revathy and Rafi have neatly written off our brief but significant Satyam affiliation as unnecessary and redundant while appreciatively carving out their niche in different time zones of independent countries, leading a well-deserved life that is both fulfilling and joyful.

But I see nostalgia differently: through a personally profound prism that deepens its significance and cannot be overlooked.

Good old times have moved down the road of time, conveniently forgetting that the past was best, as nostalgia for them served no purpose. Too bad they are already gone. Everybody has moved on. Too bad that I have moved on… he he…, but memories remain and will remain as long as I have them, and that is for life. All that has happened since then is that a lot of water has passed under the bridge, and workplace friendships waned as time went on with its forward-marching determination… to reach where? Eternity? That’s so tame if you ask me. If nostalgic memories were roads to our past days, then they, sadly, were the roads less travelled by the unforgettable Satyam folks I have been chattering about here. I promise that this will be the last chance to convey my thoughts, which is why I am writing to evoke that memorable feeling of nostalgia for our Satyam days that refuses to die down.

(Unfortunately, Satyam was destroyed in the late 2000s, 2009 precisely. Due to deliberate financial mismanagement and corporate fraud, its owner fell bankrupt by committing the largest business scandal in India, from which neither he, his company, nor his management cohorts ever recovered. You reap what you sow, damn fools).

None of us stayed, I presume, for that long at Satyam. (When I left, Suresh, Devi, Renju, and possibly even Gnana, all of whom I've slowly lost touch with, were still working at that company, albeit in different office branches in HYD. As things stood, Mandeep bonded with GG soon after, only to secure an appointment at his newly incorporated friend's company. Shiv and Shahnawaz were among the earliest to depart. Kavitha had left long ago, long before almost all of us. A few years later, however, and before the end of 2001, we said our quiet goodbyes to the extraordinary realm of Satyam, a place we had loved and admired from the day we joined it in 1998. Those days are now a precious heartache.)

Until 2009, none of us had remained at Satyam for so long. Before Satyam became entangled in a financial scandal and ultimately ceased operations in 2009, we had already anticipated the future, drawing on our collective IT experience and the strong influence of our Satyam origins in our thoughts. By 2004/5, I believe most of us had moved on from the company to pursue other endeavours in search of more promising possibilities in the realm of information technology. Regrettably, human greed has done in the technology titan of a company like Satyam.

Satyam was an excellent workplace, and I often reminisce about the time spent there, particularly in our cosy, spacious cubicle with three workstations, three Panasonic landlines, and a built-in wardrobe with shelves stacked with blank CDRs, mobile roaming manuals, and other paraphernalia on the 5th floor of the East Wing at TSR Towers on Raj Bhavan Road.

And yet, those days will never return, and I harbour no illusions that they will. Of course, they will not. We have lost those days. Sigh.

By Arindam Moulick